Friday, February 17, 2023

GrS 38:6:17: A Luke-warm greeting from dad


Well, colour me surprised, that did work. Vader tortured Luke's friends and next thing you know, he comes running... but oddly, from the direction of the Sluis sector. I mean, what was he doing out there?

But while we were waiting for Luke to arrive, Vader starts thinking about safe ways to transport force-capable people, and decides carbon-freezing might be the way to go. And of course, having some now-extraneous prisoners around, he decides he's going to test it on this Han Solo character. Surprisingly, he survived the process and word is Vader's going to give him to Boba Fett to collect some ransom or something. He's a wanted man!

So after that, apparently, Vader and Luke had a nice father-son chat, which ended when Vader cut off his kid's hand (you know, like you do), and then Luke flung himself into a gigantic air shaft when Vader offered him a spot at ruling the galaxy with him. Wow, over-dramatic at all, kid? Ever hear of a counter-offer? This family is not one for small, insignificant gestures, are they? Oh, you abandoned me before I was born and force-choked my mother? Well, I'll destroy your space station... Oh, you destroyed my space station, I'll cut your damn hand off! Oh, you cut my hand off and offered me a chance to rule the galaxy? (in that order, too!)... Well, I'll fling myself down this gigantic air shaft!

So Vader went away pretty annoyed with the whole thing... plus he had to give up his carbon-encased frozen Han Solo treat to Boba Fett. Not sure where Fett's going with him, but I'm sure wherever it is, he's laughing all the way to the bank. That Fett family have pocketed a lot of Republic and Imperial currency over the years.

Apparently Vader (and by extension all of us on the Executor) are heading out to take up residence on the new and improved Death Star II. This time, they're not even pretending to call it anything other than DEATH STAR. What a bunch of literalists.

Oh and get this--in spite of poor Bevel Lemelisk being executed for following Vader's instructions about that stupid thermal exhaust port, and essentially taking all the blame, clearly the Emperor knows it wasn't all Bevel's fault because he had him cloned to work on this new Death Star! But it hasn't all been sunshine and roses--Bevel has been executed and resurrected as a clone six more times during this construction. I sure hope he's sealed that thermal exhaust port this time.

[this marks the end of new material contemporaneous with The Empire Strikes Back... the next entry is the previously written Death Star II shield codes entry].

Thursday, February 16, 2023

GrS 38:6:10 Mutiny and a bounty

So, lots to update here. We went chasing off after that Millennium Falcon, in the Executor this time, Vader having shifted his command there now, along with the best from all divisions, which somehow mistakenly included me.

We were apparently so desperate to capture the Falcon that we followed them into an asteroid field... in the Executor. At first, I thought it was another stupid move from an Admiral with a death-wish, and that there was going to be another force-choking. But no, apparently it was on Vader's orders. Who flies a Super Star Destroyer into an asteroid field? Ah yes, asteroids... the icebergs of the sky. I suppose that's comets, but who's keeping track?

Fortunately, Vader eventually gave the order to retreat from the asteroid field... but not because it was unsafe, but because he had a call coming in from the Emperor. So we abandoned the chase of this super-important Falcon for cell reception?

So I don't know what the Emperor said, but Vader hired a bunch of bounty hunters to find this insignificant little freighter and among them, some bounty hunter named Boba Fett. Oh boy, do we have every member of that family on the payroll?

I don't know where he got them all from so quickly, but guess who had to process all these new access card requests in a rush for six new bounty hunters?

So just as I'm finishing that, and Vader has welcomed the bounty hunters aboard, Captain Needa aboard the Avenger reports that they've spotted the Falcon, so all these bounty hunters are not going to be needed, so I'm ordered to start decommissioning all their access badges.

And just as I'm finishing that, Captain Needa reports that they've lost the Falcon and he's coming over in a shuttle to personally apologize to Vader.

Okay, first of all, who does that? Secondly, why bother? If Vader wants to kill you, he can do it through the viewscreen... or is that only if he's on-board the same vessel? What's the range on that screen-based force choke? Does it only work on a closed circuit?

So after the obvious happened to Needa, because my office is near the main hangar, I got tasked with going to tell the poor shuttle pilot from the Avenger that his boss wouldn't be joining him for the return journey. I'm not sure who got put in charge aboard the Avenger.

Then we get all rigged for hyperspace because I guess Vader has given up on the Falcon? Seems out of character. But we make the jump and right as it ends, this Boba Fett character contacts Vader and says he's spotted the Falcon heading for Cloud City. I mean, did he wait until we'd made the jump to hyperspace? Is he just trying to irritate Vader? Hint: don't do that, even if you're a bounty hunter.

So next thing you know, we rush over to Cloud City, and Vader soon finds out that Luke is not on board. Now the plan, I hear, is to torture all the Falcon crewmembers... but not so that they can reveal where Luke is. Vader thinks Luke will "sense" this and come rushing to their rescue. Well, okay. He knows more about the Force than I do, but really? So now we're just twiddling our thumbs at Cloud City. At least I got some shore leave though. I just wish there was some shore around here.

Tuesday, January 31, 2023

GrS 38:6:7: Force projection

Wow, disaster is not the word.

First, Admiral Ozzel jumps the fleet way too close to Hoth itself, which meant they saw us immediately and threw up their planetary shield.

At the very least, Ozzel didn't have to live long with the consequences of his decision, because Vader force-choked Ozzel to death. Over a monitor link, no less! I didn't even know he could do that, that's terrifying. I better start screening my calls.

So because of this shield nonsense, instead of landing ground troops right at the base, we had to deploy the AT-AT units beyond the shield and then walk them to the shield generator.. and all this while coming under fire from those stupid T-47 speeders.

Oh, and guess what? The T-47 speeders had harpoons, because of course they did, and before you know it, they're circling our walkers, tying up their legs and knocking them over. Eventually, General Veers destroyed the shield generator and then we landed some troops directly, but in the meantime, a slew of Rebel transports escaped.

Why didn't we surround the planet and blockade it? Are we seriously not even as smart as the Trade Federation when they conquered Naboo?

The stated purpose of this attack was to destroy the Rebel base on Hoth, but I'm pretty sure the real reason was for Vader to capture this Luke kid. And we didn't succeed at that either.

Now Vader is intent on chasing this Millennium Falcon ship. He says it's the same one that infiltrated the Death Star, so he's convinced his kid is aboard. How? I don't know, the Force or something.

Sunday, January 29, 2023

GrS 38:6:4: Vipered out


Well, it seems I was wrong. Incom can indeed manage to destroy just about everything.

I spent ages looking through the limited accounting records that remain and found a few tantalizing references to orders of tow cable rope. I'm worried that these T-47 speeders may be equipped with harpoons and tow cables.

I suggested we deploy the Elite AT-AT units with the saw blades built into the legs, but apparently there's no budget... because guess what, we spent it all on Viper probe droids

This battle's going to be a disaster.

Saturday, January 28, 2023

GrS 38:6:3: Luke Snowcrawler


So apparently there's an energy shield protecting this Rebel base on Hoth, so Vader can't work his preferred tactic of bombarding it from space with the fleet.

Someone has decided that deploying AT-ATs onto the planet beyond the energy field, then walking them all the way to the shield generator makes the most sense. I know they're equipped with heavy lasers but they're still going to be sitting ducks.

At least someone listened to me for once, so we've been working like mad to strengthen the armor. Apparently the Rebels on Hoth have got a number of Incom T-47 airspeeders, modified for the cold climate. So this armor should protect the walkers against the blasters on that vehicle. But it will make the walkers even slower!

I better do some more research on these T-47 speeders just in case. Avoid any surprises. We have a bunch of data from Incom from the failed buyout, and I'm sure there's some prototype blueprints in there at least. They can't have managed to destroy everything.

Thursday, January 26, 2023

GrS 38:6:1: Hoth-tile environment

Word is going around that Vader has finally tracked down the location of Luke Skywalker, almost 3 years after the Death Star was destroyed. He, and the bulk of the Rebel forces, are camped out on the sixth planet of the Hoth system, a world comprised entirely of snow and ice.

What is with this Skywalker family and their fascination with single-biome planets? Is it because Vader was born on Tatooine (a total desert planet)? And then the big fight on Mustafar (a lava planet). And then he spent years on Coruscant (the "city" planet).

Or maybe it's just a Jedi thing. They only like single-biome places. Hah. Wouldn't it be funny if we could find all the remaining hidden Jedi (if any) by simply exploring all the single-biome planets in the galaxy? Let's see what's first in the database... huh, Dagobah. Swamp planet. Never heard of it. What's next? Endor's forest moon. Huh.

Now, to be fair, it's not just the Jedi. We Separatists are guilty of it too. Look at Geonosis--full desert.

Actually, it's everywhere. Look at Kashyyyk, the Wookiee planet. All trees. Or Kamino. All ocean.

That's odd actually. Almost all the major planets I've written about in this journal have been involved in major world events and they're almost ALL single biome, except maybe Naboo. That's odd. Do the mysterious forces that drive the galaxy just not like variety? It's almost like the creators of the universe couldn't be bothered to invent brilliant diverse planets and just opted for one-planet, one-biome. Hah. Laziness on the part of the creator. That's an amusing thought!

Saturday, January 21, 2023

GrS 38:1:5: The Search for Skywalker

Vader's got my whole department working on a new mission profile for a bunch of probes he wants to send out, all over various sections of the galaxy. He is still, if you can believe it, looking for Luke Skywalker.

All we have in stock to work with are these stupid Viper probe droids made by Arakyd Industries. It's got 5 manipulator arms, a blaster cannon, encrypted communications, and a whole host of sensors. It's great if you want to, you know, actually probe a planet for minerals or something but if you want to discreetly poke around and find out if the Rebel Luke Skywalker is hiding on said planet, you might as well paint it bright yellow and have it dance on top of a red ball organ singing "The Empire's looking for you, kid".

And Vader wants to deploy thousands of these things--he's already said he plans to exhaust our supply, so he's working to pull more in from every ship in the fleet, and he's got Arakyd working overtime to make more. And guess what, because we have to program them all ourselves, they're going through my budget. They cost 14,500 credits each! That's going to kill any chance of a bonus this year! I guess I can kiss goodbye to the idea of a visit back to Bothawui for Empire Day.

Thursday, January 19, 2023

GrS 38:1:1: Happy New Year

Well, happy new year! GrS 38 is here, or perhaps I should call it 3 ABY. Hmm, no, no I shouldn't.

Actually, according to this stupid battle droid I've got here that I installed this date translator into, 3 ABY won't actually start until GrS 38:3:8 because the Battle of Yavin occurred only on GrS 35:3:7. And it only took ten minutes to work that all out!

Oh nuts, it heard me say "work that all out" and now it's giving me the logic tables for how it arrived at its decision. Oh goodness I hate Baktoid Combat Automata.

[ Editor's note: we are now detouring into new territory. Previously, the journal, when I first wrote it years ago, jumped from GrS 36:3:1 to GrS 39:1:5, and the construction of Death Star II, skipping The Empire Strikes Back. So this is all new material, never before seen being created as we go, some 13 years later. I don't know how many entries I'll have covering this stuff, we'll see how it goes.]

Thursday, May 27, 2010

GrS 39:3:6.80 No meeting with the Emperor

Well, after being put off for several hours by the Emperor's personal secretary, I've come to the conclusion that I won't get to see the Emperor today.

According to the secretary, he's been busy himself, what with, as he put it, "an entire legion of His Imperial Majesty's best troops being shuttled down to Endor." I can only assume the Emperor knows something about this mysterious shuttle and its occupants, then. Unless of course the troops are being sent down there to bring Vader back? Hmmm.

EDIT +5 mins
Just got handed a note from the Emperor's secretary, written by the great man himself. It reads "Be at ease. Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from that pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them."

Wow, what a nice guy; I guess he wasn't really that upset about the shield codes, then.

EDIT +10mins
Vader is now back on board, with someone I can only presume is the infamous Luke, and the two of them just went in to meet with the Emperor. Vader wasn't escorted by a legion of Stormtroopers, so whatever he's up to, either the Emperor isn't aware, or has endorsed it.

EDIT +15mins
Just heard from the guy next to me that a pitched battle is taking place down on the moon between the Emperor's legion of best troops and a horde of sentient diminutive furry bipeds. As weird as that is, the weirder thing is that the Stormtroopers appear to be losing.


EDIT +20mins
Massive fireball down on the moon! I haven't seen it myself, due to the lack of windows in here, but lots of folks keep popping their head in the door and mentioning it. The shield generator has been destroyed. Unintended consequence of the battle or deliberate?

Just asked someone running by the door if they knew why the shield generator was destroyed. All they said was "Look out a window!" and charged off.

Huh. Think I'll head up to the canteen and have a look out the windows. I'll take my journal with me, as I'll probably stay and grab a bite. I hear they're doing penne all'Arrabbiata today.


EDIT +25mins
Canteen deserted. Just looked out the window.

Oh, fuuuuuuuuudge...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

GrS 39:3:6.10 The crew aboard the Tydirium...

On a whim, I tried a remote login to the systems on board the Tydirium shuttle, and sure enough, it was sitting in sleep mode down on the surface of the moon.

Logged in using the standard protocols, and I was able to grab the cabin voice logs, and what do I hear but multiple instances of someone being addressed as "Luke".

Oh, this just gets better and better. Vader's kid was on board the shuttle, and Vader just happens to be there for the routine clearance? Give me a break. Something stinks here all right. Vader's definitely up to something. But what?

Just got word that Emperor Palpatine has arrived on base. I wonder if I should try to get in to see him to tell him about these strange goings-on with Vader.

EDIT +10mins
Oh, man, I repeat, this just gets better and better. Vader has taken a shuttle down to the surface. Visiting his son perhaps?

That's it; I'm requesting a meeting with the Emperor.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

GrS 39:3:5 Shield codes used?!

Weird. I just noticed in the security log that those old disabled shield codes were just used to deactivate the shield for a shuttle heading down to the surface of the forest moon. Uh-oh. I'd better check this out.

EDIT, +15 mins
The shuttle (Tydirium, by the way) was carrying "parts and technical crew", which seems a pretty generic manifest, if you ask me. But I asked around and Admiral Piett was present, along with Vader, and both were in agreement to clear the shuttle, so I guess everything's okay.

EDIT 2 +20 mins
Wait just a minute. What kind of routine shuttle clearance requires an admiral and Lord Vader in attendance? Something stinks here. What game is Vader playing? Who was on that shuttle?

Friday, May 21, 2010

GrS 39:3:1 Stuck on Death Star II

So the Emperor found out about the shield codes, and is pretty upset about it. He thinks I've compromised the Death Star's security.

I told him that I was sure those codes had been disabled, but this didn't really comfort the Emperor, and suddenly, my planet leave got canceled, and I'm listed as being on "special assignment" on board the Death Star for the foreseeable future.

Fortunately, I know that Jerjerrod will have been as good as his word, so those codes to take down the shield won't work anymore.

Death Star II is the safest thing flying. No thermal exhaust port, no stolen plans that I know of, and no rogue shield codes out there. I've got a good feeling about this.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

GrS 39:1:16 The Emperor's pilgrimage and missing shield codes

Some fallout from the Emperor's pilgrimage trip. He was attacked on Korriban and trapped in an underground tomb for a while! Then, while he was stuck in there, his shuttle got ransacked.

I heard there were some Bothans involved too, a bunch of academics who didn't even have travel clearance to be there, they only had documents for attending the Bothan Cryptographers meeting.

Hmmm. I don't think I'll tell the emperor that those shield codes were on board his shuttle. Well, they're disabled anyway, so there's no real security risk, but he just might blame me for his inconveniences.

And he has been known to have a bit of a temper--I saw what he did to the steward that one time he brought him his vine-coffee with Traladon milk instead of black.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

GrS 39:1:15 Bothan Cryptographers meeting

Back from my trip to this year's Bothan Cryptographers get-together.

Sheesh, what a mess!

I hitched a lift with the Emperor for most of the way--he was on his annual pilgrimage to Korriban--and he dropped me off at Bothawui on the way.

Well, I head off to do my talk. The room was jam-packed, standing-room only, and wouldn't you know it, I discovered I had left my data tape containing the codes (and my presentation!) aboard the Emperor's shuttle when it brought me down to the surface.

Boy, did I feel embarrassed, having to get up there and explain that I had no Imperial shield-disabling codes to show them. I said I could still do most of the technical talk, but it seems no one had any interest! Once I told them I had left the codes on board the shuttle, and that it was heading to Korriban, they hightailed it out of there! They fell over each other trying to get to the door. I figured there was a competing talk that they would prefer to hear, now that I had no codes to show them, but apparently, they all rushed for their ships and took off into space!

Maybe they're all secret Sith worshippers or something, because I heard they were all last seen heading for Korriban. Weird.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

GrS 39:1:6 Imperial shield-disabling codes

Sent the Bothan Cryptographers a copy of the abstract for my chat at this year's get-together. "A display and analysis of Imperial shield-disabling codes."

According to the organizers, the signups for my chat filled up faster than any other talk in history. I had no idea so many of my fellow Bothans were interested in the subject.

One of the signup ladies even said "Many Bothans were dying to get this information." Wow, popular.